Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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