do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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