Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
