Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
