I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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