are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
