So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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