And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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