Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
