so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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