I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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