The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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