Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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