the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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