jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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