I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
