vagina is talking i cant
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
