her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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