What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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