She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
