Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize