y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
