just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
