Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
