the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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