I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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