Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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