i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
