We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
