Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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