he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
