I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
