Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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