it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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