I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
