i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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