We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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