plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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