there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize