Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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