after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
