I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
