my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
