I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
