dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
