yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
