wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
