I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
