the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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