The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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