I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize