I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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