I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
