A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
