We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
