WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
