so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
