i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize