when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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