You made me cry and you don't even care
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
