dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
