just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize