I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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