Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
