I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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