What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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