she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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