just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
