U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
