I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
