i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
