You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The air was thick with penises
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
