i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As shirtless as possible
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
