This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
