If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Will exercising make me less horny?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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