We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they need to just BURY HIM!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
