I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
